Greetings from the archetypal starry-eyed Midwestern
boy! (Kids, whatever you do, DON’T STARE AT THE SUN!)
You know to be honest, I’m not terribly fond of
talking about myself, in part because I’ve always been a bit of a shy guy, and
in part because I’m holding out for that glorious day when I’ll be able to hire
an experienced herald with a thousand decibel megaphone and the lung capacity
of an opera singing howler monkey to trumpet my arrival, departure, and overall
metabolic status at seventeen second intervals.
(If you can’t dream big, why dream at all?) Unfortunately, with the economy on the fritz
and my want ads mysteriously returning to sender with frownie faces drawn all
over them, it looks like I’ll have to take it upon myself to say a little about
myself. By myself…
Originally from Missouri, I’ve lived most of my life
in and around Topeka, Kansas, following a string of lopsided (and I suspect
fixed) pre-adolescent “Loser Leaves Town” matches. Despite it being my second language—after
pointing and banging rocks together—I received a B.A. in English from Kansas
Wesleyan University in 2004. These days
I lead something of a double life: by day I am a mild mannered ink-stained
wretch (it’s not what you think…see, my neighbors are squids, and we don’t get
along); by night I am a strength training enthusiast and amateur strongman
competitor whose knees and shoulders undoubtedly harbor brutal, Scorsese-esque
revenge fantasies. Landlocked as I am, I
can’t say I’ve ever enjoyed long walks on the beach…but I bet they’re nice!
To the abject horror of those Ivory Tower daycare
volunteers who seemed to equate eating paste and coloring outside the lines
with a future behind bars, this is my first novel. Provided you kick in for Big Gulps and keep your damn hands off the AC, I’d
like to invite you along for the ride!
